Confessions of a Costcoholic

Therapist: "Greetings everyone. Welcome to Costcoholics Anonymous. Who would like to go first?"
Me: "Hi. My name's Clyde and I'm a Costcoholic.
Group: "Hi Clyde"
Me: It's been over 24 hours since I've been sober" as I rub my face in embarrassment. "But, before yesterday, I went over a week without going to Costco."
Group: "Good job, Clyde."
Therapist: "Clyde, how long have you had this addiction?"
Me: "Ever since I had enough money to shop at Costco. But, I reeeeaaaaally don't have a problem."
Therapist: "You're in denial! Was your wife with you this time or did you just go alone and binge?"
Me: "Yea. She was with me."
Therapist: "Well, I guess that makes her an enabler."
Me: "But she didn't want to. I begged her to come with me. I knew she had other important things to do, but I just couldn't help myself" as a tear rolls down my face. "And don't think that I'm the only one at fault here. She likes to go there too."

I told her that we needed to get some of those delicious 18 pack eggs, you know the brown organic ones from Wilcox farms. And we also needed some of the 1/2 gallon Kirkland organic 1% milk that is so tasty. Dude, it tastes like 2%. And then we also needed Kleenexes. So, I really had a good reason to go. But you know how it goes. You've all been there. We ended up buying a little more. You know what I mean. You've done it too. You go to buy just a few things and come out with your grocery cart full and 600 dollars more on your credit card. "American Express will do nicely, thank you". (Sorry, no private dancers there.)

I mean there is such great stuff there. You can get almost anything you need and about everything you want.

They have great mattresses. We've bought them for ourselves, our kids, and for our condos. They're such a good deal. Do you have any idea how many flat screen TV's we have puchased at Costco? I'm not even going to say.

In fact, I'm such a Costcoholic, we go to Costcos whenever we travel. This is us in front of the Costco in Juneau, Alaska.

We shopped at this one in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. We had pizza and churros there.

Sometimes, when I'm on a binge, I just wear out. It's as if the owners of Costco know that Costcoholics like me may get tired and need to rest (especially after I've had a piece of pizza and a berry smoothie--carb overload) So, I just lay down to take a rest.

They even have gas for better prices. How cool is that!

A little advice for all you Costcoholics. There are two types of Costcoholics. Pathologic Costcoholics and Benign Costcoholics. If you charge Costco items on your credit card and don't have the money to pay it off immediately, then you are a pathologic Costcoholic. And that makes you a danger to our economy.

A benign Costcoholic, like me, on the other hand, is one who only buys what he or she can afford and doesn't pay any finance charges on their credit card.

Gotta go, I just remembered I need a new set of luggage.